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Monday, 25 May 2015

Ships in the night

In a post about something else, Our Parallel Connection wrote "My hubby and I snuck out for a coffee and to catch up on our week we didn’t spend together." This struck a chord with me as it was exactly our weekend. My husband wasn't out carousing or even going to the gym. Our weekend was merely over taken by logistics.

Friday night saw me at a school function for one child, home for 40 minutes plonked on the couch watching tv with my partner before heading out to pick up the teen.
Saturday, my husband had to go into work, when he returned to take the other two kids out to lunch, I was already at a party with the third.
We both arrived home with ten minutes to spare before dinner guests arrived. They left and we, again, collapsed in front of the TV.
Sunday morning saw us race off for coffee with friends from out of town before heading to a family function for the rest of the day. While I had suggested we go to a movie on the Sunday night, by the time we got home and the kids sorted, we were just too tired.
As a result, we didn't really speak to each other all weekend, in fact, while we spent the whole weekend 'together', it felt like we didn't connect at all.

It's just part of family life, it's having three kids with their own social agendas and it's a symptom if you want to catch up with friends and family as well. It is, however, also dangerous territory to tread, as it can easily become your normal, and a slippery slope to unhappiness, or dissatisfaction.

Given this week is looking like shaping up into a similar situation - teen drive around tonight, partner off to State of Origin on Wednesday, I'm off to Canberra Thursday and so on, I'm sneaking into town to have lunch with him. Just the two of us.

Life with kids is busy. Add in work and any kind of social life, and it can become too full to manage. For some reason, it's the most important person in our lives that often loses out. Keeping that connection, or at least being mindful of what's happening, can be a small effort but ever so meaningful.

As I said before, it doesn't need to be lavish or a grand gesture. Just find a window of time to sit with them and talk. "There's no present like the time".

Do you make sure you spend time together?

Linking up with #MummyMondays

PS Since writing that, our lunch has gone kaput! A short deadline came in so I postponed it to next week so he wouldn't have unnecessary stress...ah! The best laid plans of mice and men....

16 comments:

  1. I hear you with having three kids with their own social agendas. I basically have hubby drive me to events when he is around, so we have time alone to talk.

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  2. Our weekends revolve around sports! But we do take time out for each other- so important

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  3. We try. Husband tries harder than I do. I fail a bit at that side of things.

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  4. Glad I could inspire a post where we just don't see each other... You and I had the same weekend and this weekend is even worse... Hubby on nightshift Argh

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  5. Great reminder Lydia. Sometimes it feels we are on a never ending treadmill, just passing each other now and then.

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  6. I know what you mean, I feel like by the time we plonk on the lounge at night we are too exhausted to talk about anything.

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  7. My husband works away, and sometimes I feel like I don't really speak to him for weeks. I can hear him drifting off in phonecalls because he's been up since 4am and sometimes he's gone to bed before I even get the kids to bed. If I have a few nights out like I did last week, we literally don't speak to each other!

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  8. We are sitting on the lounge together right now..... I guess that sort of counts!

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  9. Oh buggar about the lunch going down the drain :) I really hope you get to do it next week. We are a bit like this at the moment. Dave is leaving for work at 3.30am, so we don't see each other in the mornings and he's asleep on the couch by 8pm. Fortunately mum looked after the kids last weekend and we saw a movie.

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  10. Yep. I hear you. Some years ago I decided for our ongoing annual anniversary present we would take a renewable theatre subsciption. Three guaranteed date nights! Grandmas in advance booked on the calendar! 1/3 times, one of us dozes off in the dark. #teamIBOT

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  11. Thank you so much for joining in with #thankfulthursday, I hope you guys get to spend a bit more quite time together. Sending some fairy wishes and butterfly kisses your way

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  12. It's so easy to let a week go by and barely see your husband isn't it. Making regular time is so valuable.

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  13. Gosh, it happens so easily doesn't it.. Most nights we make time to sit and watch our favourite tv show together and usually get to chat over dinner. Other nights, after the 4yo has played every card in her deck to get out of falling asleep, we're so tired ourselves that we go to bed. That 1:1 time is so important.

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  14. I am about to discover how busy life can be with three kids. I get the whole being together but not connecting thing. It's definitely something you have to make a conscious effort to do in all the busyness. My husband really craves that connection (he's the romantic) and I find it easy to get bogged down so I have had to be more sensitive to finding a moment to just sit and talk. We often have a cup of tea and play backgammon like old people and that is our chance to just be. Enjoy dinner!

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  15. Oh I'm not looking forward to this at all. I know the day is coming where sport and drop offs will dominate. At the moment it's doing everything around my lil fella's midday sleep. Zoe xx

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  16. I actually have a birthday date with my husband tomorrow! This literally happens once a year. I am excited. x

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