Linking this old post for #IMustConfess. As an update, we had a 'meet the other parents' cocktail party and my friend pulled out last minute. She said she just wasn't up for it, and then added "but you're really great at that sort of thing". I found this so odd, as I'm really terrible at that sort of thing, and it fills me with self conscious fears of inadequacy, but clearly, I'm becoming so much better at hiding it. So I am at times, an extroverted introvert.
I am, as you've all heard, socially inept, painfully shy, and an undisputed introvert. My partner, on the other hand, is not. He's very confident and at ease socially, anywhere. So what follows came as a big surprise to me, and I'm still puzzling to make some sense of it.
On Saturday night, we headed to the Zombie Prom - a prom night from 1986 where you dress as zombies. With Halloween being my favourite time of year, I already had the outfit of a decaying prom queen, so it was no effort for me.
Due to my covering of wholemeal flour paste (for decaying, flaky skin), I said we would have to walk up the road to the venue, rather than get a taxi. My partner said "I can't walk up King St dressed like this". My response, "It's King St, no one will even look twice". Nope, no go - we had to wait until I was dry and get a taxi.
For those that don't know Sydney, King St is in the very relaxed suburb of Newtown, and pretty much anything goes and no one cares. I have sat in the takeaway in PJ's and no one gave me a second glance.
My question, to myself, but happy for any feedback, is why do I twist myself in anxiety at the prospect of blogger drinks or most social occasions, but can merrily stroll up the street looking like a freak without any sort of issue?
I guess it's to do with no one knowing me, where as meeting people I have to be 'me' and that's putting myself up for judgement (my own judgment, as most people don't think too much about other people they've just met).
Or is my torshlusspanik list beginning to change me? I wouldn't have thought so, but maybe it is. Which is the Whistle a happy tune scenario in the King and I*. Does that really work? Maybe it does....
There is no resolution to this post, just a pondering which I will return to at a later date.
As for the Zombie Prom? For those that missed it, mark the date for next year and sign up to the Vanguard newsletter. It's hilarious. It's like an old school dance (with equally bad music). Ironically, because of the zombie theme, no one gave us a second glace being the oldest people in the place (seriously), and we joined up with some young 20 somethings at the next table (who somehow knew all the words to songs they weren't even alive for, first time round).
*If you are a young person that has not seen the King and I, it's a great film so you should watch it, but the short version of Whistle a Happy Tune is held in the lyrics:
"Make believe you're brave
And the trick will take you far.
You may be as brave
As you make believe you are"